“Dak ma jaqbiżx ta. Kieku ried jaqbeż diga qabeż!”

“He’s not going to jump. If he wanted to he would have done so already!”

These are the words uttered by an onlooker watching a man trying to commit suicide in Valletta. Beyond the fact that he and others could not comprehend what was going on, I cannot but feel that there was a certain thrill to the event; one which merits this short analysis. Like a VIP show into an unseen part of reality, they got to experience a live, unfolding suicide attempt.

Their reaction is not surprising. Far from being stupid, they simply could not understand it, dismissing it entirely, believing it is all fake, for attention. In fact, they argued that he was performing a show and, most importantly, enjoying it.

“Araħ kemm qed jieħu pjacir!” 

“Look how much he’s enjoying it!”

In total disbelief at their sight, they started to encourage his attempt. One woman tells him to get it over and done with so that she can continue her day;

“Ejja ħa narak tinfaqa ħa nitlaq l’hemm”

Not only do I think that she actually meant this, but I also think the rest of those present would agree. They wanted to see this extraordinary, surreal event unfold.

What is so alluring about watching a man fall to his death?

It has something to do with the fact that most of our days are spent with ample but invisible violence. Although our films are full of death and fractured bodies we never get to see them in front of our very eyes. This is not to suggest that we want fiction to become reality. Rather, that we still feel the violence ingrained in everyday life but never actually get to point exactly where it is. When we see a body splayed open, we can finally feel convinced that things are not okay and we are not alone.

The violence rooted in a society where inequality and corruption are rampant can never be admitted: it is part of life itself; the ‘ugly truth’. Many feel cheated, abused, burned out, incapable of amending the inherently corrupt system. The fact that someone got a job promotion because he knew a certain minister, managed to get the planning authority to close one eye on his application, or got away with fraud are all accepted as the ‘real’ state of affairs.

Although we know all this violence exists, we never get to see it actually happening. And when it happens to us we cannot perceive it as extraordinary since it’s ‘the way things are’.

It would not be absurd to suggest that most people watching the poor man dangling on the bastions have thought of doing just that themselves. One onlooker even went so far as to suggest how suicides should actually work: “Kieku ried jeħlisa, ħelisa” (“If he wanted to do it, he’d have done it by now”), implying he has some idea of how a proper suicide should be carried out in his mind.

The point is that we have all given up at one point, but were unable to see exactly why or what to do about it. Seeing a man about to commit suicide, these onlookers finally saw the violence hidden beneath it all. Suddenly, one could see that these things actually do occur: people are in fact fed up with life, in turmoil, unable to carry on. The fact that entire generations are only coping with life due to antidepressants and psychiatric supervision is not visible enough to motivate a change of opinion. However, watching a suicide unfold, the hermetic seal of ‘how things are’ breaks away in a sudden realization that things might not be ‘all ok’.

“Ejja ħa jagħtiha.”

“He’s going to do it.”

One onlooker was eager to see the man falling to his death, his body squashed against the hard limestone below. This fascination with seeing a man’s corpse splayed open was really the anticipation of seeing how he really felt. Seeing a suicide unfold is so exhilarating to the extent that it is almost unbelievable, like a joke.

“Ma ndaħqux.”

“What a joke.”

If anything, they didn’t want him to jump in order for them to remain living in their reality. The ‘way things are’ that we fatalistically accept. If they had been exposed to the hidden violence, they would have been forced to see their normal world in shambles. In a society where unemployment is at its lowest, where the government gives us free vouchers to go to restaurants, people are killing themselves.

It is like the skull in Holbein’s ambassadors. The painting shows us two men standing behind a deformed human skull. The observer is captivated by the irregular almost horrific ‘stain’ the skull is in relation to the ornately depicted men. To give sense to the skull, one has to shift his entire perspective.

The skull does not appear fully unless viewed diagonally, replacing the ambassadors in the back as the real painting. It is either the skull or the ambassadors that make sense. It is either the fact that suicide does not exist or that reality is not so perfect after all. This is the choice people watching this man’s suicide attempt were traumatically forced and unable to make.

Without shifting one’s perspective, the skull, like suicide, remains a nonsensical even hilarious, enjoyable thrill. And it seems that the onlookers wanted him to die so badly,  wanted to see this violent act which they constantly feel but never actually get to look at, that they suggested beating him to death if he didn’t commit suicide.

“Issa hekk missom jamlulu jekk ma jaqbiżx, Ituħ xeba għal mewt!”

“If he doesn’t jump, they should beat him to death!”

Empathy is needed more than ever; not only for the victim but also for the blatant onlookers. They could not comprehend what they were gazing at. Like an awkward stain, they could only laugh at it. What we lack, and desperately require, is a realization of just how deep in shit we all are no matter how average things seem.

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For the more daring reader wanting to know more about the pleasure people get from such unpleasurable sights, the following video explains most of it. The hidden, alluring violence of car crashes:

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Helplines:

Richmond Foundation Helpline: 1770
Chat online: https://kellimni.com/
Information, tools & resources: https://www.kifint.com/

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Written by: Nikolai Debono

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